Dad Jokes - show us what you got - only rule is you have to laugh while sharing

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  • #91
    Dropped the 4yr old to the Kindy yesterday, she looked out of the front window and said...

    "Dad, look there are tall buildings there.. is it a city ?"

    "YES", I said, "it's name is Corona Central !"

    Wife smirks

    Child.... "Corona Central ? That sounds like a good name ! ", huge smile on her face, she got the joke.

    Wife and I both lost it..


    Then in the afternoon we learnt that we were going to be in lockdown for 6 days.

    Who's laughing now....

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    My kids hate me.
    The TRUTH is out there,
    the Aliens think its a great joke on us.
    We still believe in Santa, but eat the Easter Bunny

    And the Easter Bunny tastes SO GOOD !!
    That's why he is made of Chocolate.

    Comment


    • #92
      This is from Thursday, Christmas Eve, the kids and I were running around in my car....
      decided to treat them to some McDonalds.


      In the past we had a funny event where we were sent to wait Bay 1, there was already a car there, the next 3 cars were also sent to Bay 1, all within 5 minutes.
      This happened at a McDonalds in Murray Bridge about a year ago - we have all used it as a family joke since then.


      So Thursday, Christmas Eve, texted the wife...
      We had just been directed to Bay 1 at McDonalds, the kids all screeched out "Bay 1" and cheered..



      11.19am We are in Bay 1

      11.21am Lol

      11.43am Going to hang washing out now

      Half hour later

      11.44am Still in Bay 1 (but really sitting at the table eating, at wife's parents place)

      11.45am Have they forgotten you ?

      11.52am you should demand a refund or another round of free meals

      11.52am Moved us to Bay 2

      11.53am You've been there half an hour, are they killing the cow?

      11.56am Yes, and baking the buns !! I had to go around the block !

      11.56am That's bullshit, you need to go in and cause a scene

      11.57am To get into Bay 2

      11.57am Why did they move you ? Can't count past number 1 ? (Reading this all out to the kids, they are laughing)

      11.57am I feel like punching out the manager

      11.58am You need to go in. This is not on.

      11.59am These are all kids, will the cops come if I punch out a kid ?
      11.59am Fuck they came out and asked me to move to Bay 3 (no such thing there)

      12.00pm Yep no violence, just loud !! Don't move

      12.00pm I moved already, they said it wont be long now.

      12.02pm Is that a fast food restaurant ?? Faster service in a cafe

      12.02pm You have to be joking ! They got the order wrong (being Italian, this should fire her up)

      12.03pm Oh no !!

      12.04pm They are going to give us some meal vouchers as an apology

      12.04pm You wanna put in your order in for dinner now ? You might get it by 6

      12.05pm Meal vouchers, I get the apology, but does that mean you waste another hour waiting for food ?


      this is where I try to drop her a BIG hint


      12.07pm Yeahyourmumissofuckingslowwithservice

      12.07pm ???

      12.10pm Fuckstuckinbay4now (the carpark is not THAT big)

      12.11pm Meal vouchers aren't good enough, demand a refund
      12.12pm you are stuck in the car with 3 kids for an hour waiting for food !!

      12.14pm Thisissosillywhatiswrongwiththisshop ?

      12.15pm Do you want me to come down and sort it out !

      12.16pm bringabigstickwealreadyhaveslap

      12.17pm INCOMING call from her -
      Do you want me to come down and fix this ?! (She is MAMMA Bear with anger issues now !!)

      you could it you want

      I wont be long, I need about five minutes to lock up and get in the car !

      Okay. do you want the address ?

      (pause at her end)

      I know where it is !

      Ok, but you might need the address to get to us.

      Where ?

      it's number 7 K------- Avenue, ---------- (HER parents house where we have been for all this time, feasting on junk food)

      YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE !!

      And I am literally rolling around on the ground laughing hysterically, crying with stitches.

      ever snorted fries and coke out of your nose ?


      YOU PRICK ! (hangs up on me)

      I call her...

      Just hangs up when she hears me laughing.

      She called me ANGRY - "your Christmas present really FUCKING fits you"

      I am still laughing hysterically at her - she hangs up again.

      Later she came over to her parents and she was chuckling at it too while quietly calling me everything she could think of, and having a smile, shaking her head.

      then the kids all called out -
      BAY 1 !!


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      My kids hate me.

      MY WIFE TOO Apparently

      Going to be a GREAT 2021
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      The TRUTH is out there,
      the Aliens think its a great joke on us.
      We still believe in Santa, but eat the Easter Bunny

      And the Easter Bunny tastes SO GOOD !!
      That's why he is made of Chocolate.

      Comment


      • #93
        What is the difference between a Elephant and a Zippo lighter?
        one is heavy and one is a little lighter.
        Go hard or Go home.

        Comment


        • #94
          Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
          because they’re really good at it.
          Not suitable for mature audiences

          Comment


          • #95
            How do you get down off an Elephant?

            .....you dont you get down off a goose.

            Comment


            • #96
              I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
              I had to ground him.
              I'm pleased to say he's currently conducting himself properly.


              I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the pringles holder


              Comment


              • #97
                True story from our Miss 5yrs old

                "Dad, Knock knock.."

                Who's there ?

                "Cow in space"

                Cow in space who ?

                and then she ran off after the dog......

                Last edited by 17Hornet; 29-01-2021, 12:56 PM.
                The TRUTH is out there,
                the Aliens think its a great joke on us.
                We still believe in Santa, but eat the Easter Bunny

                And the Easter Bunny tastes SO GOOD !!
                That's why he is made of Chocolate.

                Comment


                • #98
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                  • #99
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                    • Our kids got together and smashed me with some simple math jokes ....

                      It was on the way to school drop off this morning, and the wife was there to share in my "getting done in !!"

                      Led by the 5yr old, I asked her what 1 + 1 equals, knowing that she would easily provide the answer 2.

                      She replied "Window !"

                      Me "window?"
                      .

                      The others all laughing at me, a little amused and confused I asked why ??......


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                      Honestly, how do I fight this logic ?



                      The TRUTH is out there,
                      the Aliens think its a great joke on us.
                      We still believe in Santa, but eat the Easter Bunny

                      And the Easter Bunny tastes SO GOOD !!
                      That's why he is made of Chocolate.

                      Comment


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